Maybe like me, you've just watched our wretched Prime Minister deliver his pre-recorded garbage to the nation and are now, also like me, itching for a fight?
In which case, I can give you what you need.
You see... I've been recording the antics of our garden hedgehogs over the past few nights and I think I can conclude that...
a) We certainly have two hedgehogs. Both male. And I think we have three. ALL three male.
b) One of our (bigger) male hedgehogs doesn't seem keen to share its food (we feed them hedgehog food behind one of our water butts) with anyone else.
c) Two (or perhaps three... but I think two) are noisily fighting each night.
This snorting behaviour (see my video below) is common amongst hedgehogs - both in terms of hedgehogs meeting other rival hedgehogs and expressing a physical reaction to let the other hedgehog know it needs to back off (in my video below) and also when a male "courts" a female - although in that case, the male doesn't tend to barge the female across the ground (as in my video clip below where an act of aggression can be seen, rather than anything amorous (even brutally amorous!)).
So... do have a little peep at my short video below. And if you hear these noises in your garden hedges or borders any time soon - you now know what creature is making them.
Oh... and before I go. Talking of creatures. If YOU were one of the creatures that voted for Brexit Boris and his band of Tory brothers (and sisters) in December's election please know this BEFORE you step out of your porch and again clap your gnarled, hypocritical hands next Thursday.
Matt Hancock (yes... the current health secretary) and Demonic Raab (yes, incredibly the foreign secretary) and Priti Vacant Patel (yes, unbelievably, the home secretary) AND the buffoon in chief (yes, ridiculously the Prime Minister) ALL voted AGAINST NHS workers getting a fair (most would say) pay rise in Parliament in 2017 - and then cheered and laughed when the results of that vote were announced in parliament - the result meaning NHS workers got no fair pay rise.
Yup. If you voted for this shower - can I suggest that instead of clapping your hands and banging your pots and pans on Thursday night, you do the right thing instead - just pop your head out of the window, hang it in REAL SHAME - and say "sorry" - then solemnly promise not to vote Tory ever (EVER) again.
(Uh huh. I'm still itching for a fight).